Ripped Dresses Fashion Craze

Aristocratic families across the land are sending their daughters to court in torn dresses, according to insiders. The fashion craze, which looks like the result of attempting a Galliard with a bear, has been ordered by King Edward VI.

The craze was started by stories of an incident that look place in Katherine Parr’s back garden. The King’s half-sister, the Princess Elizabeth, had her dress sliced to pieces by Thomas Seymour’s sword. Since then, Edward has declared Thomas a trend setter and has ordered all noble daughters to follow suit. There’s one caveat though – they must not outdo his sister in the number of slashes. After all, she is the Princess and she must not be outdone. Not by one slash. Doing so will result in land being confiscated.

According to an eye-witness report, one Duke was seen slashing away at his daughter’s best gown while her mother held her back. “Stop whining!” He shouted. “Do you want to marry King Edward?”

“No! I just want a pony!” She was heard to have screamed back.

A court fashion expert has suggested that extra credit is given where the scattered pieces of fabric have been haphazardly stuck back onto the gown in different places.

However, John Dudley, Duke of Northumberland has quietly suggested to the young, boy King that he really doesn’t believe that Seymour was trying to make a fashion statement. The young Edward, however, sharply reprimanded him. He threw down his wooden sword and started jumping up and down on the throne, shouting “I’m the King! I do what I like!” He was then led out by elder, half-sister, the Princess Mary who feared he might get a nosebleed.

The court Fool told us “Of course it was a fashion statement! What is Dudley talking about?! That Dudley, I don’t trust a word that leaves his mouth!”