Sir Francis Drake has a great day at the Seaside

Sir Francis Drake had a lovely day at the seaside last week in Plymouth. The sun was shining and he was just finishing off a game of bowls with his chums. A south-westerly breeze blew, which helped him with his flow too.

He did become a bit annoyed when smoke appeared on the lawn, obscuring his view of the balls. This was due to some guy on the top of a wooden pole lighting a fire. “What the hell are you doing young man?” Francis shouted at him.

The man turned and pointed out at sea saying “Um, the ships!” This was useless as Francis couldn’t even see the bloody grass let alone what was out at sea, so he just ignored him and carried on with his game.

He was then later rudely interrupted by some warning bells and a messenger. “Oh what is it now? Can’t you see I’m trying to play a game of bowls!” Francis shouted.

“Sorry mate, but a large group of Spanish ships have just been sighted near the Scilly Isles,” said Captain Fleming, who had just sailed in that morning.

“Oh they bloody well would wouldn’t they?! Couldn’t have picked next week to invade us! Oh no, they time it right on my day off while I’m trying to enjoy a game! What a liberty!”

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Asked the Captain.

“What am I gonna do? What do you mean, what am I gonna do, I’m gonna finish this game of bowls and then, if there’s time, I deal with them!” Francis replied.

“You have been ordered by Queen Elizabeth to singe the King of Spain’s beard immediately!” The Captain shouted.

“Oh alright! Keep your ruff on! Don’t worry! There’s plenty of time! Let me finish this game and then, I’ll see what I can do!”

Sir Francis went on to chase the Spaniards up the Channel. They were mercilessly pounded to death at long range. And if that wasn’t bad enough, in their desperate attempt to escape, they ended up in Scotland.

And Sir Francis Drake did eventually finish his game.