Reign Corner

Season 1 Episode 4…..

Apologies for the delays in writing these reviews. I just feel that I need time after each episode to come to terms with what I have just witnessed, a chance to just get over it and gather my thoughts. If this was a Marks and Spencers advert, the female narrator would say in a low, lusty voice “This is just not an episode of Reign – it’s an experience!”

After all the romance of episode 3, episode 4 compensates for this with some aggression. They all take part in an Archery contest. Their target, however, resembles the girl with the bag over her head. Charming!

As well as aggression, death is also a theme in this episode. Sebastian falls dangerously ill and becomes dangerously close to death. Also, every time Catherine De Maleficent looks at Mary, she somehow sees death. Then, again, Catherine has never really been a barrel of laughs.

Mary, however, doesn’t see death. She instead sees herself moving to Portugal to be with her beloved Thom-ass. Even the Four Marys (who are not called Mary), agree to come with her. I’ve got to say, Greer (Thom-ass’ ex) is being remarkably calm and serene about all this. Considering Mary just stole her man, I would have expected her to have at least by now poured some salt in her coffee, or tied her plait to a racing horse.

The archery target then changes to resemble an English envoy that is being executed. The Dauphin is seen to be taking out his aggression on it. When he learns the truth about Thom-ass, no prizes for guessing what the next target will resemble. He meets secretly with Mary and tells her he finds Thom-ass a bit suspicious. A spy sees them and feedbacks to Thom-ass.

Fashion Update Part 1 – a woman wears LOTS of blusher.

When Thom-ass finds out about secret meeting, he goes through this miraculous personality transplant and proves to be, well, a bit of an ass. Most guys give the one they love flowers, or chocolates – Thom-ass is different; he gives Mary a whipping boy called Miguel (although, for the purpose of this review, let’s call him “Poor Bastard”).

The second miracle to occur in this episode is from Sebastian. He miraculously rises from his death bed to stop the Dauphin clobbering Thom-ass! Apparently it’s revealed that Thom-ass may have murdered his first wife. Mary certainly knows how to pick them.

Fashion Update Part 2 – Lola has wings.

As the drama of the episode escalates, Thom-ass targets Poor Bastard with an arrow. A new motto is coined – take the woman, take the crown, take a life, just do it. A kind of dark version of a Nike advert then. Thom-ass and Poor Bastard get into a fight with Sebastian and the Dauphin.

Fashion Update Part 3 – Mary turns into Katniss Everdeen.

The fight doesn’t end well for Thom-ass. Later on, the English envoy is saved from execution and becomes Portuguese ambassador. So after all that suffering, Poor Bastard doesn’t even get a promotion.

Fashion Update Part 4 – Four Marys look like Swans.

Mary then gets engaged to the Dauphin for the second time. In the meantime, Kenna (whose one of the Four Marys, except her name is not Mary), wants to become the King’s full-time Mistress.

Fashion Update Part 5 – Mary has discovered the Polo Neck.

I just can’t wait to see what happens next!

Image – Mary Queen of Hunger Games.